They did it

Ever since Oswalt Kolle and Alex Comfort conducted sex education, everyone has been talking frankly about sex – no no-no‘s – always and everywhere without considering the consequences. He and She exchange experience, show off, and shout it from the rooftops. Sex plays a major role in everyday life – be it in newspapers, among the group of regulars, via the phone and the internet. Always? Everywhere? With everyone? Without a taboo? There are two groups of people, though, whose sexual activities remain secret to the other one. 


Sex has its own dynamism in the lives of parents and their children. Quite soon, the children want to know where they came from. They get an answer. As we remember ourselves, the protagonists in this answer are the birds and the bees. Then the kids attend school where sex ed is on the schedule. The birds and the bees – fiction! They’re upset since they caught their parents telling a lie. I prefer the birds and the bees, though, over the stork, which delivered the babies when I was young. Despite permanent rivalry by the birds and the bees, the stork persistently remains on gift cards as well as cakes for baptism and welcomes. Anyway, boys and girls know now what condoms are and how to use them, moreover, that girls can take the pill.         

Having arrived at puberty, the children become shy deer. The parents’ most exhaustive period starts when they change physically and at the same time hide from the parents’ view. Nudity – no, thanks! Simultaneously, the risk to become pregnant rises since they’ve forgotten what they learned at school – birth control inclusive. Every mother wants her daughter to finish school without the cries of a baby. If you have a son, this might not be a problem. Then puberty is drawing to a close, girls and boys have their boyfriend respectively girlfriend.

Strange to say that parents are lulled into a false sense of security now and erroneously assume that their children don’t do it (yet). They don’t sleep with each other, by no means! Until now, nothing has happened, and although they might live together by now, nothing’s going to happen. Sometimes, parents can be quite naïve. By the way, children are not less naïve when it comes to their parents’ sex life. They assume, which is worse, that their parents don’t have sex any more. What for? They have already given birth to someone – period!

Every human being is at least a child, several ones are also a parent, which leads me to the conclusion that theoretical sex occurs more often than the practical one.

They did it! The door opened. Our daughter and her partner, boyfriend or whatever you call him came in. Something special came from the couple, something out of the ordinary. They match well, radiate peace and intimacy, are able to tackle problems and are both strugglers. There they sat, holding each other’s hands, while we were still bustling about: one of us was cooking, the other one was saying goodbye to her friend, and I was getting a coffee from the coffeemaker while helping grandma eating.  

They giggled and fooled around. “Shall I say it or will you?” it went back and forth. We simply watched and followed the happy discussion in front of us without a clue. As mother or father you’re used to be patient until your offspring discloses a secret. Then all of a sudden, they announced it. He did it, she did it! They did it! Oh my God! Sodom and Gomorrah! The letters spread ceaselessly out of their mouths to form the words: “We’re getting a baby! You’ll be grandma and grampa!” And to her sister: “You’ll be aunt!”

Grampa-to-be asserted that he’d become “grandfather” and not merely “grampa”. I didn’t care if I’d be “grandma” or “grandmother”, but I felt a suspicious lump growing in my throat. In all these years I’ve never managed to get rid of my sentimental disposition. The lump in my throat tightened, and my environment became blurred by the tears of joy and emotion. Luckily, I had just reached and opened the fridge since the lump bared me from talking. Okay, put head into fridge, breathed, chased lump away, put joy into words. Hugs.

It feels good to become grandma. I’m awfully looking forward to teaching junior all the nonsense that will exasperate his parents. I won’t shy away from chocolate ice cream or spinach, I’ll turn Ikea upside down with the crying bundle, and I’ll allow him to help himself at the grocery’s counter just to give all the stuff back to the sales assistant behind his back. I’m looking forward to all those kinds of delicious baby food, and I hope there’ll be a spoonful saved for me. I may again prepare my delicious apple-banana mash, and sneak on silent feet through the apartment when my grandchild stays with us because Mom and Dad are having a night out or just want to sleep in for a change. This baby will be the most beautiful little human being in the world. If it’s girl, it will become a diva, if it’s a boy, he’ll be an Adonis.






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